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Bulimia Nervosa.

      :a serious eating disorder that occurs chiefly in females, is characterized by compulsive overeating usually followed by self-induced vomiting or laxative or diuretic abuse, and is often accompanied by

                   guilt and depression

This is the Webster’s definition of bulimia. For  someone who has never had this struggle, that is a good base definition. For someone who battles this disorder every day, that definition is not even a comparison to what bulimia really is. For the past eight years, I have fought the battle of living with this disorder. I have felt alone. I have wanted to give up. I have felt insecure and I have beaten myself up. People ask me why. Why do I do this? Why can’t I stop? I guess it started at the age of 13 when I felt like I was too fat to fit into society’s expectations for me. I felt people stare at school. I felt like people were talking behind my back. At home, I was made to feel too fat to function. Was I really THAT big? NO. Not at all. But society said I was. As years went by, my battle with bulimia was a roller coaster.  I’d stop for a while and then something would trigger it to start back. Instead of purging to get thin, I now purged during stressful situations. It became a relief and my way of coping. When I was 18, my biggest stressor happened. In December of 2012, I was raped. You can only guess what started again in January. My toughest battle yet. I binged and purged to the point that I couldn’t speak because my throat was so soar and raw. My face was swelling. I began to see blood in my vomit. I become very very scared.

I told my parents about my binging and purging when I just couldn’t take it anymore. I went to the doctor. I went to a counselor. I went to a nutritionist. I occasionally still do. But I have yet to recover. I haven’t purged in 5 or 6 months.. until recently. It’s back and this time it’s harder to control. Stress is taking over my life and bulimia is controlling my body and mind.

5-15 percent of women show symptoms of bulimic behavior. I know I’m not alone in this.

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